"The Creation of Adam"

Hey, guys, this is my Art Report, what do you think? It had to be written as a creative narrative.

***

James Lander woke up sleepy one Saturday morning, the sun shining through his open window. He turned on his side and covered his face with his blanket because of the bright sunlight, and attempted to go back to sleep.

“James!” shouted a voice from downstairs. James recognized it as his grandpa Tom’s, so he lazily pulled himself out of bed to go meet him. When he reached the bottom, he saw his grandpa beckoning him into the garage.

“Why are we going in there, grandpa?” questioned James, still drowsy. But then he remembered what his grandpa had told him yesterday: they were going to clean out the garage.

“But grandpa, do we have to clean it now? I just woke up!” whined James.

“Yes, we do, James. This place is getting very filthy, so the sooner we clean it up, the better.” Despite James’ whining about his lack of sleep, his grandpa and he eventually started to clean up the garage. Although reluctant, James did everything his grandpa told him to, and after a while the garage began to look a little less cluttered. But while James was moving around some old boxes full of junk, he found something strange: a small chest.

“Hey, grandpa, what’s this?” he said, holding it up. When Grandpa Tom stopped organizing his tool closet to look at the chest, a smile spread across his elderly face.

“Why, that’s my old book chest!” he exclaimed, making his way over to James.

“Really?” said James, sitting down on a nearby stool, “What kind of books are in it?”

“Well, just about every book I’ve ever owned, James,” he said, also pulling up a stool. Although they didn’t know it, they weren’t going to be doing any more cleaning today.

“But it doesn’t seem that heavy, grandpa,” said James, shaking the contents of the unopened chest.

“Hey, I never said I was an avid reader,” replied Tom, “But whenever I got a book as a kid, I put it in there for safe-keeping. I always like saving the things I owned, so that one day I could dig them up again so they could bring back memories from the past.” Then Grandpa Tom opened the chest and wiped away the dust. James carefully took out the aged books, looking at their titles. Some of the books he had heard of; other books were completely new to him. But one in particular caught his eye. It had no title on it.

“What’s this book about?” said James, handing his grandfather the dusty book.

“Hmm, looks like you’ve found my art book, James,” he said happily.

“Art book?”

“Yes, it has pictures of famous paintings and sculptures. I used to always look through this whenever I was bored. Here, take a look,” said Tom. James took the book in his hands and began to flip through it. He stopped at picture entitled “The Creation of Adam”.

“Hey, grandpa, I think I’ve seen this one before in school,” said James, showing Tom.

“Ah, yes, ‘The Creation of Adam’. I’m not surprised you’ve seen it before. After all, it is a famous image,” said Tom, “in fact; it was painted by my favorite artist, Michelangelo.” (Gale 3)

“You mean the ninja turtle?” asked James. He was, after all, only ten.

“No, no, not the ninja turtle; I’m talking about the famous renaissance artist.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“That’s okay, I used to get them confused too,” said Tom with a wink. “Also, this image is one of many that he painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel,” said Tom, turning the page to reveal the full picture of the ceiling. (Gale 3)

“Wow, they’re all so beautiful. How come ‘The Creation of Adam’ is the most famous?” said James.

“I’m not sure exactly. But I think it’s because of the symbolism in the painting.” replied Tom.

“What do you mean?” asked James.

“Well, the way I see it, this picture symbolizes the creation of not only Adam, but life itself. It shows us how we owe our entire existence to God because he created the first human beings: Adam and Eve. In fact, if you look closely, you can even see a woman wrapped around God’s arms, which I’m pretty sure is Eve,” said Tom. (“Michelangelo, Sistine” 1) James looked closely at the picture for a couple of moments and then smiled.

“Hey, I see her!” he exclaimed, “Gosh, Michelangelo must have really loved to paint; these pictures have so much detail.”

“Actually, James, you’d be surprised.”

***

Michelangelo Buonarroti, born March 6th, 1475, in Caprese, Tuscany, Italy (Gale 1), was waiting at the doors of the Sistine Chapel to meet Pope Julius II. Soon he could see the holy man coming toward him with a wide smile. Michelangelo had just accepted a job from the Pope to sculpt figures for him (Gale 3), and was here to discuss the details.

“Welcome, Michelangelo!” said Pope Julius II warmly.

“Hello, your holiness,” replied Michelangelo.

“So, are you ready to paint my ceiling?” he said, clapping his hands together.

“Yes, of course, I just wanted to talk abou—wait a moment,” said Michelangelo, “I thought our agreement was that I would sculpt for you, not paint.”

“Sculpt, paint, what’s the difference, my dear Michelangelo? You are an artist, are you not?” said Pope Julius II.

“Why, yes I am, it’s just that--,”

“Then it is settled! You will paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.” Then the Pope walked off, leaving Michelangelo dumbfounded. After a couple minutes he began trailing behind the pope.

“Wait!” he yelled, hoping he could change the Pope’s mind.

***

“So what happened, grandpa?” said James, as Tom finished.

“Well, eventually Michelangelo agreed to paint the ceiling, although he was much more skilled at sculpting.”

“You mean he didn’t only sculpt?”

“Oh, no, Michelangelo was a true renaissance man; he excelled at sculpting, painting, architecture, (Gale 1) and even poetry.” (“U*X*L Biographies 1)

“Wow,” said James, “I can’t even draw a straight line.” Then Tom began to laugh, and put a hand on James’ shoulder.

“Well, not everybody has artistic skill, James. Michelangelo was just gifted,” said Tom. “But it wasn’t easy for him, painting that ceiling; especially since he had to accurately capture biblical events,” continued Tom. (Magalhaes 14-15)

“Why, how long did it take him to paint the whole thing?” asked James.

“About five years. From 1508 to 1512,” replied Tom.

“Wow, he must have been dedicated,” said James.

“He was dedicated. Michelangelo was always dedicated to his art, even as a young boy, like you. But it was hard for him, though, since his father hated his interest in art. (Gale 2) But despite that, he went on to become an apprentice to a popular painter named Domenico Ghirlandaio. (Gale 2) This was his first big step in becoming an artist.”

“Why did his father hate his art?” asked James.

“Maybe he wanted his son to become a scholar and not an artist. But Michelangelo didn’t want to give up something he loved, so he kept on with his art, and became famous,” answered Tom.

“But then what happened after he became an apprentice?” said James, “Where did he go from there?”

“After that he was invited by Lorenzo de Medici, the unofficial ruler and leading art patron of Florence, to join the Medici household,” said Tom. (Gale 2)

“Was that good?” asked James.

“Very good, actually. Michelangelo was allowed to attend Medici’s gatherings, where he met the most famous artists, poets, and thinkers of the age. (U*X*L Biographies 2) This really helped him develop him as an artist.”

“I guess Michelangelo worked hard to become an what he was,” said James.

“He really did, James,” said Tom, closing up the art book, “It just goes to show you that when you work hard at something you love, you can’t help but succeed.”

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Black Ghost
Comment

Thanks for the constructive critisizm, guys. I'm always trying to improve my writing, and I learn from every review.

timjim77, thanks for the tip about showing and not telling. It's kinda a new concept for me to grasp, but I'll try my best to change the story.

Anyway, this was just the first draft, so there's a lot of room for changes.

Random avatar
timjim77
Review

Show, don't tell. This is essential. Do not underestimate the reader. Now read carefully, because this might sound strange at first: it is better to leave a detail out then to put in one that is unessecary. Now, obviously you don't want to leave out crucial information. But even then, let the creader discover the important parts for himself. This is a tricky concept. Let me give you some examples.

"James Lander woke up sleepy one Saturday morning..." This is the first line of your story. Everyone wakes up. We know we are sleepy when we first wake up. So sleepy can be removed. Why is the word 'one' there? In fact, why is Saturday there? Is that essential to the story? Perhaps. Now, how about morning? Is that essential. Let's move on to the second part of the sentence to find out. "...the sun shining through his open window." Now, unless he lives in an arctic area, we can assumedaylight signifies the morning. And we normally wake up in the morning. This may seem like nitpicking, but because such instances are prevalent throughout the story, the readr feels burdened. Let's find some more.

"But then he remembered what his grandpa had told him yesterday: they were going to clean out the garage." Now besides the fact that this is a pretty corny way of saying what you want, it is also unessecary. This is where the showing part comes in. What if the Grandpa handed him a dustpan and brush? That's the universal symbol for, "Get your ass moving and clean." That way you describe the same way without being corny and still showing action, rather than describing abstract thought.

"Although they didn’t know it, they weren’t going to be doing any more cleaning today." Now, if you lived a hundred years ago, there would be no problem with it. But because we live in this era, it is a big problem. The narrator should never directly tell the reader what will happen before it does. It's simply annoying. The reader says, "Butt out of the story! I'm trying to read." This is not nessecary. It is a common mistake, even with famous writers. Avoid it like the plague.


“Ah, yes, ‘The Creation of Adam’. I’m not surprised you’ve seen it before. After all, it is a famous image." Now, obviously this was a school assignment, and probably not for an English class. But hey, you posted it here for critiquing. The Creation of Adam is a famous image. So, why do you tell the reader that? If the reader is somehow not familiar with it, oh well. no great loss. They will probably pick it up in the next few lines.

Oh, and avoid adverb use too. Adverbs are tempting, but almost always unnessecary. If there was a word pyramid, adverbs would be the fats and oils section.

User avatar
Dream Deep
Review

Though I salute your efforts, you really should drop the whole verb+name=dialogue.
"whined James"? "questioned James"? "he exclaimed?"

These are allright in moderation, but if you use them too much they get sort of stale. Also, be a little more specific with how someone said something. He said it happily? How many people just say things happily? Is he thrilled? Is he excited? Is he less than thrilled but pretending to be?

You should also try to vary your sentence length a bit, too. Everything's so long and drawn out. Read some Hemmingway or something.
All in all, it was a really good idea. There just didn't seem like there was much inspiration behind it. :?

User avatar
Swires
Review
Swires wrote a review · Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:11 am

I felt this was crafted well in the way that it includes all the information about Michelangelo. However I felt the opening was poor:

James Lander woke up sleepy one Saturday morning, the sun shining through his open window. He turned on his side and covered his face with his blanket because of the bright sunlight, and attempted to go back to sleep.


It didnt really grab me or take me into the story, how about:

"James Lander flicked his eyes open to be greeted by the fresh morning sun. In an unwelcomed manner he rustled his head in the blanket and started to drift back to sleep."

The "one saturday morning" just seems a little amateur compared to the rest of the informative story.



The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare